The Table of Enlightening Discussions
by Skye Paradox
Summary: Take a hint from the title. Mostly humourous dialogues involving the Titans.
1. Potential Life Mates

_DEEES-CLAIMER: I don't own. I never did. I never will. I also have no claim over the products mentioned. Well??? What are you waiting for? Shoo! Read on!_

**The Table Of Enlightening Discussions**

Raven was out.

Not that it was unusual. Her presence at the tower pretty much consisted of reading or meditating. Or chasing Beast Boy away from her room.

The empathy had left a note on the fridge, where nobody could miss it:

_Will be out the whole day. Will meet if problem arises. _

_-Raven_

(And, of course, Beast Boy missed it. Robin later found it after Cyborg trampled it as he was trying to get a soda).

It just so happened that all the Titans were seated at a round table. It was snack time. Robin was reading the newspaper. Cyborg was seated across Beast Boy, and eating a hotdog. Beast Boy, in turn, was eating a tofu hotdog. They paused every now and then to glare at one another. Starfire was drinking mustard. She still loved the yellow condiment.

When Cyborg and Beast Boy finally finished devouring their food at an abnormally swift rate, they somehow brought conversation to the table. Starfire stopped every now and then to question, and Robin lowered his newspaper once or twice to comment. It was all a very nice conversation.

Until the topic went to Raven.

"Dude, she bought Pepsi _and_ Coke! Who buys both Pepsi _and_ Coke? You either buy one or the other!" Beast Boy was saying.

"She was just getting a little annoyed," Robin said in her defense. "You and Cyborg were arguing pretty long about which one to get."

"And I believe after the Cadbury and Nestle argument, she did not wish to stay any longer," Starfire supplied.

"I still say Nestle is the ultimate choice," Beast Boy said stubbornly.

"Still, that girl needs some pills sometimes," Cyborg said candidly. "Or maybe a boyfriend."

"A boyfriend?" Starfire asked. "Is that not a potential life mate?"

"More or less," Robin said, amused at her choice of words. "But lifelong companionship is not really considered unless she becomes very close to her... 'Potential life mate'."

"I fear she will be alone," Starfire said sadly. "It is difficult for her to be close to anyone."

"Whaddya mean?" Beast Boy asked, indignant. "We're her friends--!"

"But she cannot allow herself to be so open with her emotions," Starfire replied.

"You seem to know a lot..." Robin commented.

"Yes," said Starfire. "Do you recall when we switched bodies? We shared life stories to lessen complications."

"Wasn't that the day you went to the mall with her?" Cyborg thought back.

"Oh yes!" Starfire said happily. "It was, in fact, her idea. And that was where I got the beautiful dress to the prom. Raven herself—"

She stopped, clamping both hands to her mouth. The three boys were staring at her now, curious.

"Raven...what?" Beast Boy asked.

"I apologize," Starfire said. "But I have had the 'girl talk' with Raven...and I believe that such discussions are to be kept to the female side, correct?"

"Girl talk?!"

This made them even more curious. "What'd she say?"

She looked confused. "Did I not just say that I think it is for female—"

"What she say about me?" Beast Boy asked, leaning in.

Starfire giggled. "I do not think Raven would be happy if I told you..."

"WHAT? What'd she say? What'd she say?!"

"I cannot tell you what she said," Starfire said cheerfully. "Were we not speaking of 'boyfriends'? How about you, Beast Boy? Would you serve as a potential life mate?"

Beast Boy fell over. Robin chuckled. Star was not as dumb as people thought.

"I-I...Uh...b-but...but I...um...well, see...what was the question again?"

Starfire happily went back to her mustard. After awhile, she mused.

"Though she does share interests with you, Cyborg..."

This time Cyborg fell over. He had considerably more grace than Beast Boy, though.

"She was pretty cool about the T-car thing..." he said in fairness. But he sweatdropped at the though of him and Raven together.

Starfire nodded, and continued with her mustard. Beast Boy raised his eyebrow when she showed no sign of continuing.

"Hold up...what about Robin?"

Starfire choked. Robin calmly put down his newspaper.

"No!" Starfire said firmly. "She harbors no feelings of the like for him. And neither does he. Why would you even sug—"

"I'm right here, you know."

They all froze. Nervous, they looked at the cloaked figure standing with no expression on her face.

"Uh..." Robin spoke first. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Depends," Raven said, giving them the evil eye. "How long were you discussing my need of a 'potential life mate?'"

The other four knew they were dead.

**FIN**


	2. The Mysterious Bottle Of Doom

Standard disclaimers apply.

**Note:** Just something I wrote in one sitting...

* * *

"I bet it's poison," Cyborg said, staring at the glass.

"I say it's the blood of a half-tiger, half-wolf freak experiment!" Beast Boy said dramatically.

"It looks like a Glorb's stomach acid," Starfire observed. "Are you sure this planet has been thoroughly disinfected?"

The three Titans had ventured into the refrigerator (Beast Boy for some tofu, Cyborg for some meat, and Starfire for ingredients of some Tamaranian delicacy) and found a crude-looking bottle of purple liquid. Cyborg judged from the thick texture look than it was not merely water with food coloring. Besides, it was glowing. Since when did anyone invent glowing food coloring?

Beast Boy, dramatic as always, came up with bizarre theories. Cyborg, who had seen many science fiction movies, supposed it was some kind of potion science would find a miracle in. Didn't all movies have a bottle of glimmering liquid that could probably blow up an entire city? Yeah, that was it: _Pandemonium In A Bottle._

While Starfire named the many creatures that it could have belonged to, Cyborg had the courage to pick it up ("ARGH! We're all gonna die!" Beast Boy shouted.), and put it on the table. Closing the fridge, they continued to observe the purple stuff. It was as mesmerizing as a lava lamp, except a riveting shade of purple.

"Hey, what're you guys doing?" Robin came up behind them. They all started, not hearing him come. He was as bad as Batman sometimes.

They explained the situation.

"What if Slade put it in? We could be cursed and not know about it!" Beast Boy said, wringing his hands.

"I doubt Slade's latest mastermind plot would be as simple as sticking a vial into the refrigerator," Robin said at once. "Besides, it could be Raven's. Have you asked her?"

Cyborg and Starfire looked at each other; they hadn't thought of that. But Beast Boy wasn't impressed with the idea.

"Why would Raven keep something of hers in the fridge for any of us to get?" he argued.

Cyborg rolled his eyes. _Now_ he chose to grow a brain.

"Dunno, dude," Cyborg said. "Maybe she's finally trusting us."

"Although..." Starfire spoke up, staring intently at the bottle. "She did mention to me that she disliked using places of storage that all of us have access to...especially Beast Boy."

"Hey!"

"Well, you did go into her room without her permission—"

"And we totally save her butt! Right, Cy?"

"—And it is simply not her nature to leave things as important as this lying around."

They all looked at the vial again. The possibility of Slade being in on this was nil, and Raven being the owner of the mysterious bottle was also dimming.

"Where is Raven, anyway?" Robin asked.

"Has a cold," Cyborg said. "Or something like that. Said she didn't feel well."

"But she said her health at the present would be equivalent to a _cold head_," Starfire said.

"Uh...that's _head cold_, Star," Robin said.

"Never mind that!" Beast Boy said. "Do you realize this little thing could be our ultimate _doom_?"

They all looked at him.

"I believe Raven asked you the other night for the meaning of 'fat chance', Beast Boy," Starfire said, though she glanced at the vial uncertainly.

"She's got a point, BB," Cyborg said. "I mean—"

He was cut short by a slight cough. They turned and saw Raven standing there, with one eyebrow slightly raised.

"What're you doing with my medicine?" she demanded.

They all fell over.

"So it _is_ yours," Robin said, looking heavenward.

Raven looked from Beast Boy, to Cyborg, to Starfire, to Robin, and then back to Beast Boy.

"Don't tell me..."

"Uh...didn't know you trusted us enough to keep your meds in the fridge, Rae," Cyborg said, sensing her irritation. A half-demon with a head cold that just discovered her friends staring at a bottle of her medicine. Not a pretty good situation, considering she had a soul self twice as big as the tower.

"I don't," she said simply, using her powers to unscrew the cap of the bottle and take a spoonful of the stuff. "Or at least, I _did_," she said thoughtfully.

They all watched as the purple liquid disappeared down her throat. She glared.

"_What_? It tastes better cold."

* * *


	3. Showdown: Cadbury VS Nestle

_**STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY. W00T.**_

**Warning: Extreme silliness ahead. (And slight out-of-character-ness. Sorry… )**

* * *

_The following is a record of Titans Tower activity rarely exposed to the public due to mysterious disappearances of hidden cameras and the recorders' craving for a nutty royal._

* * *

They were Justice Incarnate.

Or so said they themselves.

But even if Cyborg and Beast Boy agreed that they did not agree, the conflict had to be solved. As soon as possible. (Insert groans here).

"Your honors," Cyborg began carefully. "I'd like you to examine the evidence. Exhibit A—" he waved around a sealed plastic bag—"as retrieved from the crime scene."

One of the judges-slash-jurors raised her eyebrows. "It's a candy wrapper."

"Cadbury chocolate, actually," he said with triumph. As they say, "triumph" is merely umph added to try.

"Eh?"

"This candy wrapper," Cyborg declared. "Is the only one located after an entire jar full of 'em—I mean them—went missing. And this wrapper was found right in Beast Boy's room."

Here the green animal shape-shifter broke in.

"Hey!"

"Therefore," Cyborg went on. "Beast Boy is the culprit!"

There was a break in proceedings. Well, not really.

"I thought you said the wrapper was located at a crime scene?" Robin said after a while.

Cyborg coughed. The reader will note that Cyborg is among one of the healthiest beings in all of Jump City. We should know. We dug up his file.

"There are, in fact, two crime scenes," he said. He regained his stance very quickly. "One in the kitchen—" (They all stifled their laughter. The said "kitchen" happened to be their court as well)—"and Beast Boy's room. We bought packs of Cadbury chocolate, and in the course of one night, they all disappeared. At approximately—"(He looked at his, er, arm)"—nine-thirty-four this morning, our investigative team located the wrapper in Beast Boy's room."

"Objection!" Beast Boy said, indignant. "What were you doing in my room?"

"No further ques—I mean, statements, your honors."

"Yeah, OK," Robin was dead bored. The things he did for his team. Sigh. "I move that Beast Boy be subjected to an extra hour of training, and all of Cyborg's chores for a week."

"Hey, wait! I didn't speak up yet!" Beast Boy jumped up.

"You just did," Raven remarked.

"Oh yeah…" Robin shifted his head to his other hand and elbow. (Rats…)

"Beast Boy," Starfire nodded. "It is your turn to speak."

"I was framed!" he burst out radically. "And I have proof that I couldn't have been the thief!" He paused, sticking his tongue out at Cyborg. Two of the judges (jury?) rolled their eyes. The last one, Starfire, cocked her head to the side.

"The proof, Beast Boy. Get on with it." Raven sighed, exasperated. She had joined this game quite unwillingly, actually.

"Listen very carefully," Beast Boy leaned in. "I—hate—Cadbury—chocolate!"

There was a pause.

"That's not gonna save your butt, BB," Cyborg grinned.

"No, but I have a witness!" He grabbed Starfire and dragged her on-screen with a tentacle-d hand. "Go on, Star, tell them."

"OK," Robin propped his head into his hands. "A judge-jury-and-witness all in one? And can you even refer to her as a witness? I mean… Ugh…this is getting ridiculous, guys."

"No!" Beast Boy pleaded. "Hear me out!"

The boy wonder muttered inaudibly.

"Go on, Star," Beast Boy urged.

"Well, I believe that we are all witnesses to this," Starfire said. "After all, we were all there that day, when Cyborg and Beast Boy argued intensely about either getting a Poke or a Cepsi—"

"Coke or Pepsi," Everybody else growled.

"—But right before that, they were arguing even harder about Ca…Cad…Cadbu-ry and Nes…Nes-lay. And we all heard Beast Boy proclaim how much he despised Cadburrow—I mean, Cadbury—Chocolate. So I find it slightly impossible that he would be the culprit."

There was a silence.

"But then!" Cyborg jumped up.

"Is it even your turn to speak?" Raven asked.

"Beast Boy could have just decided to spite me by taking away my chocolate!"

"What? No way, dude!"

"Well," said Robin. "That would be a good theory, but your evidence—exhibit A—shows an empty candy wrapper found in Beast Boy's room. If he stole it to spite you, and without any love for it himself, why would he eat any of it?"

"He only pretends to detest it!" Cyborg declared. "He does love Cadbury over Nestle!"

"What? No! Take that back, you—"

"Yeah, OK," Robin studied his gloved hand. "I move that Cyborg does Beast Boy's chores for a week and Beast Boy does an extra hour of training."

"HEY!"

"I second!" Starfire zipped happily.

"Apathy." Raven said, yawning.

"But that's not fair! I'm innocent!"

"Then I move that Cyborg get an extra—"

"I second!"

"Apathy."

"Hey! I'm the victim here!"

"Fine, fine, Beast Boy—"

"Hey!"

"I second!"

"Apathy."

* * *

_You get the idea. But who, the viewer (er…reader) may ask, whatever happened to the packs of Cadbury Chocolate?_

"He, he, he," said Gizmo.

"Told you I was a better schemer than Slade," Jinx bragged. Mammoth sighed.

"What's up with you?" Gizmo asked.

"I wanted the Nestle…"

* * *

**I'm reeeaaallly sorry... This was done under the influence of a cold...**


End file.
